Zara zara fitrat badalne laga..dil mera..

You always need to have lil spaces you "own" where you should be able to zone out. Feel at peace. Feel the real you. Ok peace these days is over rated and very elusive but at least a space to feel the turbulence and identify it.

A quote that I came across recently got me thinking :

“Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.”
― Maya Angelou

I get the part of crawling into space between the notes but loneliness somehow brings out a negative connotation. What is it with people these days that they are so afraid of being with themselves! I probably have an exaggerated scene in my head about all of this because I'm bordering on turning into a misanthrope,though, not the cynical kind. Am pretty happy being on my own for most part o the day even!

There is a difference between being lonely and being alone.

The common complaint of feeling lonely in the crowd is sometimes more because you haven't figured what's happening with you.

Music is that space for me where the right song played will so totally align with what I feel at the moment. You tend to find words in a song's lyrics which you obviously couldn't have thought of on your own. Rather I can't. So you know then, it is not so weirdly freaky for people to feel what you feel coz ppl are writing songs about them! Duuh! ;)

Ironically, I find the day's peace in traffic jams! B'coz it combines two of my biggest passions - driving with music! I have cleared my head about so many things in the worst of traffic jams because you are forced to sit there and inch. How long can you crib anyway? Might as well be productive! Well it will work only if you have the right music along with you. You most certainly cannot depend on the wretched radio for that!

In the nights after 9pm, radio can do some good though. Yesterday's song was such a classic, it just hit me out of nowhere. For starters I hardly think I will ever pull off saying something like that! ;) and secondly the song has such a wide range! For most part, you do feel like you aren't such a bad singer after all. Just when that happens, Asha Bhonsle goes hits notes which are beyond the ceiling. I tried singing along, disastrous!

Raat Akeli Hai, Bujh Gae Diye

Aake Mere Paas, Kaano mein Mere

Jo Bhi Chaahe Kahiye, Jo Bhi Chaahe Kahiye, Raat ...

Tum Aaj Mere Liye Ruk Jaao, Rut Bhi Hai Furasat Bhi Hai 

Tumhein Na Ho Na Sahii, Mujhe Tumase Muhabbat Hai

Mohabbat Ki Ijaazat Hai, To Chup Kyuun Rahiye

Jo Bhi Chaahe Kahiye, Raat ...

Savaal Banii Hui Dabi Dabi Ulajhan Siinon Mein

Javaab Denaa Thaa, To Duube Ho Pasiino.N Mein

Thaanii Hai Do Hasiinon Mein, To Chup Kyun Rahiye

Jo Bhi Chaahe Kahiye, Raat ...

Whoa! the lyrics :P

And finally! I never saw the video of this song until now. So yup sooo not happening! Mood changer? Oh certainly! Am sure the guys will love it! ;)

My mixed bag

I have these strong mental images which have an amazingly powerful impact on me. One pretty glance, one meaningful smile, an evil smirk! I never forget them. They are etched for life. To connect with a person from across the room through a simple eye contact. Body language.. says it all for me. It's a confirmation.. a form of reinforcement of the sign that I have been waiting for.

All these emotions form a world which clearly distinguishes the "Sacred" from the "Profane" in our mundane lives. I thrive on them..

The last week has been one of the most festive weeks of my life.. and definitely on par with my sister's wedding 5 years ago. An unforgettable experience.. a very big event of your life. Why? Why is it such a big deal? Is it actually such a big deal? People get married all the time! Well at least most of them do and some more than once ;) :p Then why the hype?

It generates a feeling of euphoria, the kind that can be overwhelming. It helps you reconnect with your people. What the famous Socio-Anthropologist William Graham Sumner defines as Ethnocentrism is not such a bad thing after all..

He says we all have the core attachment which defines and shapes our identity.. the "In-group" feeling and it is clearly distinguished from the "Out-group" feeling. The Us vs the Them!

The extreme version of "We" feeling is seen in our day to day lives.. especially for us Indians. It's ironic that such an extreme feeling is also a very accepted and an ingrained feeling for most of us. Even though I have a very rational and not such a dogmatic view of Caste, (I am not as anti-caste as I was before I took up anthropology as a subject) I don't see Caste as such a bad thing.

What's wrong if a few people are proud of their lineage? What's wrong if people find security and strength being with people who have more things in common. Caste actually represents similarities. In a Patriarchal society like ours.. (Patriarchal in every way! No two ways about it.. Mind you!) It's just easier for a girl to move lock stock and barrel and start her life with a new set of people when their way of life is familiar to her's. That's it. That's the whole point!

What's insanely worrying is when there is not only an "We" feeling but there is an "anti-them" feeling as well. I obviously see no sense at all when caste is used as a pretext to ruin marriages. Khap Panchayats and their diktats! Can someone SANE explain the principle behind the concept of "Honour Killings!?"

Anyway getting back to the mental images, when the whole family was super busy in prepping for the wedding.. me being me.. I decided to drift away for a bit and go visit the very famous Tadbund Hanuman Mandir on Hanuman Jayanti.. the one day when it is the most crowded. Well it's the most festive that day too.. so why not!

I knew it would take me more than an hour in the queue and my poor bro saw no logic in me standing there when I could play my "Asst Commissioner" card n walk straight in.. :p

The point is, I find it so fascinating that such a huge crowd can be so orderly and put up with all kind of inconvenience just to visit the temple on that day. Walk in the next day and the temple is so empty.. why not come in the next day? I admire the faith of the common man. I have a great respect for US Indians. My true In-group feeling! :)

The visit though was worth all the effort. The temple was lit up and decorated so beautifully that one glimpse of god was actually enough! A bunch of kids were playing on the stage within the temple premises.. Little kids on tablas and sitars all just added to the grandeur.

And yes the moon outside almost seemed like it was drawn using a compass.Picture Perfect Setting!

So I walk out after the darshan and as usual there is the huge line of people begging for alms.. it's a common sight in all religious places isn't it? Yes it is.. In fact you would notice their absence am sure!

But the one image that is going to stay with me was that of an infant.. a little baby girl in rags on the road with nobody around her.. People walked past her like she didn't exist while the baby was in high spirits amused by the sights and sounds.

All those Skewed sex-ratios and facts n figures of health, poverty in India pop up in my head thanks to my insane prep.. but wait What do I do about it? I do nothing like everybody else..

I'm so lost. I'm confused.. and I'm sure this post shows that. Random Rant with no clarity what so ever!

It's fine for now.. I'm still a dependent with no income.. but later? Will I be able to do something for that child? Is my education going to help? The question is not Can I.. the question is "Will I be any different!?"

Fault lines - Outsourced: Clinical trials overseas

Do watch the whole video. How will this face of India change? What needs to be done ?

How is it that a billion plus people let themselves be governed by a handful who lack even an iota of conscience?



Day 11 !

Glory

Artist : The legend Sattiraju Lakshmi Narayana fondly called Bapu!


Notice something unusual in the pic?

The snake around his neck is missing. :)

Exudes power on one hand and warmth and peace on the other. The Broad shoulders and the lean body, the posture, the positioning of the hands, Amazing work of art!

This is an image very close to my mind, body and soul.
Only a handful know it's significance.


Day 9!

// Jagadaananda Kaaraka //

My day started with a 10km drive at 5.30 in the morning listening to Carnatic Classical Music.

Bliss !

I am attaching the video of my favourite Tyagaraja Pancharatna Kriti "Jagadaananda Kaaraka" sung by the legend herself MS Subbulakshmi!



Lyrics: (The order of the verses in different versions vary)


Pallavi

Jagadananda Karaka jaya janaki prana nayaka

Anupallavi

Gaganadhipa sathkulaja raja rajeswara
Sugunakara sura sevya bhavya dhayaka sada sakala

Charanam

Amara tharaka nichaya kumuda rahitha paripoornanagha
Sura sura bhuja dadhi payodhi vasa harana
Sundhara thara vadana sudha maya vacho bruntha Govinda
SAnanda mavara ajaraptha shubhakaraneka

Nigama neerajamrutha poshakaa nimisha vairi,
Varidha sameerana khaga thuranga sathkavi hrudayalaya
Aganitha vaanaradhipa nathangri yuga

Indra neelamani sannibhapa Ghana chandra soorya nayana prameya vaa
Gheendra janaka sakalesa shubha nagendra sayana samana vairi sannutha

Karadruta sara jalaasura madhaapa haranaa vane sura suraavana,
Kaveeja bhilaja mouni krutha charitha sannutha Sri Thyagaraja sannutha

Srushti sthithyantha karaka amitha kamitha phaladha asamana gathra
SAchepathi suthabdhi mada hara anuraga raga rajitha kadha sara hitha

Pada vijitha mouni saapa sama paripala vara manthra Grahana lola,
Parama santhi chitha janakajadhipa Saroja bhava varadhakila

Purana purusha nruvarathajasritha paraadheena Khara viraadha Ravana
Viravana anagha Parasara manohara avikrutha Thyagaraja sannutha

Sajjana manasabhdhi sudhakara kusuma vimana surasaripu karabhja
Lalitha charana avaguna sura gana madha harana Sanathana janutha

Omkara panjara keera pura hara Saroja bhava keshavaadhi roopa,
Vasava ripu janakanthaka kaladhara kaladharaptha grunakara,
SAranagatha jana palana sumanoramana nirvikara nigama sara thara

Aganitha guna kanaka chelas ala vidhalana arunabha samana charana
Apara mahimadbhutha suka vijana hrud sadana sura muni gana vihitha,
Kalasa neera nidhijaramana papa gaja nrusimha vara thyagarajadhi nutha



Someday I will get here!

Day 8!

Guest blogger series : Part 1

So I thought, rambling everyday about myself was getting a bit too strange. People (probably out of sheer compulsion) are "feeding-back" quite well though! :p

The one person who had a complaint ( "the theme of my template hurts the eye" ) is the first person to post in my GUEST BLOG series! :D

Author : Ranju !
Title : Conspiracy Theory of the Squishy Blob Called Brain

"I don’t know what I could write that is relevant to this blog! Not that I don’t care for the country’s condition or its bureaucrats, I mean, I do. But it is basically very hard for me to stick with a single idea and go on with it. If we ever get to talk, you’ll know what I mean. Thoughts fly in and out at the speed of light, and it is hard to keep a track of ‘em. My justification for my madness, I am a free-thinker!

Everybody has their madness. (Food for thought)

Ok, so Mahi told me, I could write about anything. That in view, this is gonna be very random and probably a little controversial too!

Day before (actually I’m not too sure when, I saw it in yesterday’s paper and the TV), our union health mister, Ghulam Nabi Azad, passed a vivid statement about gay sex. He said, “Admi admi se sex karta hai” at which point I burst out laughing and could not bear to hear any further! But I got the gist of it from the papers. He basically thought it was a disease that spread to India from the west. Of course he “clarified” later! Anyways, it hardly matters what he said and clarified. My thought basically dwells on the Gay part of it.

Being Gay, contrary to popular belief, isn’t genetic. Oprah thinks it is because of childhood events and influences. I am gonna go with Oprah’s opinion. Firstly, she is always rite ;) and secondly, childhood influences do play an important role in defining sexual preferences of an individual (at least with bees!). And since 98% of the DNA is the same for all living organisms, humans could act like bees. (duuuh)

But, why do you suppose humans are allowing such impressions?

A race, any race, tries to proliferate. Pursuing sexual interests with the opposite gender is hardwired into our brains. And to overlook the hardwired data in our genetic models and practice an alternative sexual pattern is quite an intrigue.
Now my theory for such behavior is as follows:

Premise:
Our genetic material is vastly diluted at the moment due to the atrocious increase in population.

Assumption:
Brain I consider is a being in itself. We are mere puppets in the hands of our brain (explains most of my actions! :D).

Conclusion:
So I think, with this alternative sexual pattern, our brain is only trying to conserve our race by limiting the proliferation, selecting the best out of its vast pool; selecting the strongest genes.
So even without knowing it, most of us are actually the fittest! Isn’t that something?! "

P.S. When I told Ranju she could write about ANYTHING! I never imagined I was getting into THIS ! Ha ha!


Disclaimer : All theories appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to science or facts, is purely coincidental.

Day 5 !

Lesson Learned

This is about one of the most profound moments of my life. I will try n keep it short.

Over the past two years I have spent as much time driving from my place to my sister's as a trainee pilot does to clock a certain number of flying hours. Driving through Kukatpally is basically as bad as it can possibly get. Hyderabad traffic is known for it's utter lack of road sense and deplorable road conditions.

So here I am driving one afternoon last summer. Blazing hot as it is in Hyd when it hits a 42 deg Temp.. we were all hungry and basically on the edge of losing it. It's never easy when your mum is well "Back Seat Driving" as I call it! She has been driving in hyd for over 15 years and she drives now even when she is not at the wheel ;) through shrieks, yells, "SLooww Sloow" instructions apart from pressing the foot down on the imaginary clutch n break!

That day all of us were at our wit's ends fulled further by hunger complaining about how HOT it was, how our sedan wasn't cooling down enough, how horrid it was to drive in such hostile conditions.

Amongst all that chaos I spotted an open truck transporting bricks. On them sat four middle aged men with the most serene expressions as if they were enjoying a wonderful drive under the full moon. They didn't look half as drained as we did, not half as troubled as we were.

That memory of those 4 men gave me the much needed reality check. It changed my perspective and has left an indelible imprint in my life. I do hope I get the opportunities in my career to help such men earn for themselves a much better life. A life they truly deserve.

For the rest of the drive, all 4 of us remained silent.

Day 3 !